just call me seven

Why I’m Pro-Life.
5 February 2008, 10:49 am
Filed under: think big thinks.

Shannon at Rocks in My Dryer has written a great article called, “Why I’m Pro-Life.” Stop by and read it, hey? I think the post is thoughtful and well-written, and worthy of thinking about, and frankly, she does a better job of explaining a pro-life worldview than I ever could.


My Funny (non-existent) Valentine.
2 February 2008, 3:12 pm
Filed under: Cheesy Fiction, I Am A Geek, I'm a Big Dork

Well, I don’t have one yet, but what if this was how we met?

It’s nearly six o’clock on a blustery evening in the gray-colored month of March. The wind is blowing; the trees are rustling all around. A lonely bluebird warbles mournfully, high atop a power line. I am sitting in my living room with the blinds open so I can watch for the pizza guy… I hate it when they catch me off guard. My cash is sitting on the ledge by the door, ready to give to the (probably pimply-faced high-schooler) delivery man who soon will arrive.

My tummy rumbles… it’s been so long since I’ve had a pizza with the works. I can almost taste it now.

A silver 4-Runner pulls into my driveway, and a tall, dark-haired man steps out. He’s holding that huge red bag that keeps the pizzas warm in his left hand, and with his right gives his door a nudge to shut it. He strides purposefully up to my front door, and rings the doorbell with a rakish flair.

I open the door.

I stare for awhile (he is a handsome man).

“Pizza’s here,” he points out.

I come back to earth with a start. “Sorry. How much was it?” I ask.

“It’s on me,” he says.

I stare a little while longer. I think maybe I haven’t heard correctly, so I double-check: “What did you say?”

He says softly, “It’s on me. I paid for it already… you don’t need to pay.”

Light is beginning to dawn. “But why?” I ask. “Why would you do that?”

He clears his throat. “Well, I live on the other end of the street, and I’ve seen you and your sister walking around the neighborhood now and then. I noticed that you always wear pajama pants and baggy sweatshirts, and usually it looks like you haven’t showered in awhile. Your hair sticks up in some places and is plastered to your head in others, like you just woke up and all you did was run your fingers through it. And I thought to myself, ‘any woman who can walk around in public looking like that without seeming to care seems like an interesting woman to know.’ But I didn’t know how to meet you without seeming like a stalker, so I got a second job at Papa John’s and waited until I saw your address pop up on the delivery screen. I volunteered to take this delivery, and now here I am.”

I gently told him, “Some people might think getting a job at a pizza place in the hopes that you might be able to deliver to my house someday involves a little more in-depth stalking than just walking up to my door and introducing yourself.”

He looked a little crestfallen. “I’m sorry… I didn’t mean to creep you out.” He turned away.

“Wait,” I stammer, “You don’t have to go. I’m not creeped out. But before we talk any more, I do need to make a couple requests. First, what’s your name?”

“Jack Jones,” he replies, “What’s your second request?”

I pause. I’m not sure how to say this. I give it a whirl: “Can we eat this pizza while we talk? I’m starving!”

Did That Actually Just Happen?
2 February 2008, 11:27 am
Filed under: I'm Not Sure I Believe It Even Now

So, my sister-in-law came out of her surgery just fine… thanks so much for all of your kind words. I just came home today, and she is recovering nicely.

The weirdest thing happened in the wee hours of Thursday morning though… something that is distressing, inconvenient and more than a little creepy: My brother & sister-in-law’s apartment was burglarized… while we were all in it. And more than that, I was in the living room (where the door is) sleeping on the hide-a-bed at the time.

The weird thing is that we didn’t even notice that anything was gone until around 4:00 that afternoon! We all woke up late (around 11) due to a general lack of sleep, and it was my brother’s only day off, so we just lounged around and took it easy and didn’t even leave the house. The BFF had noticed that their laptop was gone earlier, but she just thought that my brother had taken it into their bedroom to print something, as he often does. Then when my brother asked where it was, he and I both asked each other if it was a practical joke, which of course it wasn’t. So then we thought maybe one of us had been sleepwalking… none of us had been sleeping well, what with surgery and my brother’s early work shifts and my sleeping on a hide-a-bed, so it feasibly could have happened, but we searched the house and found no trace of it. And the house is pretty small, so it’s not like we could have missed it.

So then we realized that the only explanation was that someone had stolen it. So my brother went to talk to the neighbors to see if they had seen anything, but didn’t really get any information out of anyone. When he came back into the house we figured that we had better call the police, so my brother looked for his phone, and when he couldn’t find it, he asked The BFF and she told him that it was in her purse, which was when we realized that her purse was gone, and then we noticed that my purse was gone as well. And that’s when it really sunk in that someone really had been in the house and stolen our stuff (’cause a laptop’s one thing, but a woman’s purse is like another limb, right? Take that away, and it’s like we lost a part of us). By the grace of God, my phone was in the hide-a-bed with me, so we were able to use that to call the police and start calling our banks and credit card companies and stuff.

As The BFF and I were listing the contents of our purses (at which time I remembered that my car and house keys were in my purse), my brother realized that his wallet was gone as well as his iPod. And awhile after that we realized that also gone was a TV antenna that he bought so that we could watch the season premiere of Lost. It didn’t work because the tower was too far away or something, and he was going to take it back, so it was just sitting by the door in its box ready to go back to the store.

To top it all off, the thief also stole a little round container that The BFF’s grandma had given to her which contained about four dollars in quarters for doing laundry. The container was nearly worthless, but we think they took it because it was sparkly on the top, and maybe they thought it was worth something. But still, lame. I mean, come on. Was it really worth the $4? Now The BFF can’t even do laundry. They only had $10 cash left in their house, but they probably need to save that for something important, like food or gas in their car.

Then this morning my brother realized that the antique pocket watch The BFF had given him as a wedding present was also gone, and that was the lamest thing of all. Not because it was worth a lot, but because it was irreplaceable. A new laptop can be bought, they can share an iPod, since hers wasn’t stolen, all of us are getting replacement credit cards and can go to the DMV to get new licenses, but that’s one thing that, unless it shows up in a pawnshop somewhere, is just gone.

I’m feeling a little traumatized at the moment… I left their house today to come home, because even though I work at home I can’t be gone forever, and since their only phone was stolen, I left them mine, because people can call me at my parents’ number. So when I left, I had my clothes and stuff, but I didn’t have a purse or a phone, and that was a really weird feeling. I went to a birthday party for one of my dear friends about an hour after I got home, and The Croodler came too, so he drove. But as we were getting into his car, I kept feeling weird. I’ve carried a purse since I was eleven or twelve, and I haven’t left my house without my phone in almost 4 years. I have other purses I could have carried, but I would have nothing to put in it, so there’s really no point. All that to say, it’s really weird not to have a license, credit card, checkbook, phone, car or house keys… The BFF and I didn’t even have any lip balm! All she had was one little cheap dollar store stuff that was almost gone. It’s weird to not have any of the things
that I normally keep with me at all times. I feel violated, and it’s especially creepy to think that someone was in the same room, less than 6 inches away from my bed, and I had no idea.

But at the same time, if you’re going to be robbed, this is the way to do it. There was no accosting, no pointing of guns, no threats, no actual trauma. It was probably the most peaceful way there is to be robbed.

Once, while I was housesitting, I had a nightmare that I was running away from someone and they shot me. When I saw them pull the gun up, I turned sideways (not sure what my logic was, but it was a dream, and dream logic is way different than logical logic) and the guy shot me 5 or 6 times, all the way up my right arm. It was one of those dreams where you physically feel everything that’s happening, and that last shot woke me up. Now, I never have running dreams, or people chasing me dreams, and never people shooting me dreams, so I had to wonder why I had that dream, and why I woke up. My dreams never wake me up. Never. Then I thought I heard a noise out in the kitchen, and was instantly nearly paralyzed with fright. My adrenaline kicked in and my heart started pounding, and I started breathing more heavily. I was positive that whoever was in the house would hear me breathing and come shoot me so I couldn’t call 911. It took me nearly 45 minutes of total silence for me to work up the courage to even get out of bed, and once I did that, I waited by the bedroom door for about five minutes until I was able to make myself go turn on every light in the house and check all the locks, and even then the only reason I ever got out of bed was because I had to pee so badly. After I verified that the house was empty except for me, I was still so shaken that I had to leave a light on when I went back to bed, and I still ended up watching TV for about two hours before I was even sleepy again. Ever since, I’ve been a little afraid that someday it’ll happen for real, and worried about what I would do, but I guess I know now… I’ll just sleep through it all and never even know.

What makes this even stranger is that I was tossing and turning all night. I had been sleeping on that dang hide-a-bed for a week, and my hips were killing me. So I woke up probably around 15 or 20 times to turn over before it was even light. So I know it was the Lord keeping us asleep and safe, because normally I would have awakened at the slightest sound.

All evening yesterday I had to keep reminding myself that it was real, and it did happen, and my purse with all my stuff really is gone. It feels like some sort of dream or alternate reality, like someone will pop out from behind a corner tomorrow and tell me that we got punk’d or that we were on Candid Camera.

I feel at a loss… I don’t really know where to start. I know I have to get a new license, but first I have to dig out my Social Security card and birth certificate… This is just lame, because I have minimal money to begin with, and while they didn’t get any cash (maybe like 16 cents…), I still have to pay around twenty bucks to get a new license, order new checks…

It’s just stuff, and it’s really not important in the long run. I am truly grateful that all of us stayed asleep and didn’t interrupt anything, and that we’re all okay. And they didn’t take my brother or sister-in-law’s keys, which is good, because their car was parked right in front of their apartment. They do have my keys, but I live a three-hour drive away from my brother, so it should be alright. I hope.

And my parents bought my brother and sister-in-law a new laptop, just a cheap one that was the same price as the one that got stolen, but still a big purchase. We’re not rich by most peoples’ standards, but we are careful with our money, and my parents have a checking account that’s separate from their normal one that they call “The Master Has Need Of…,” and the idea is basically that any time they hear of a need, they have something to give. And it’s nice for my brother, because that way he can be at home doing school and spending time with his pregnant wife instead of going to the school computer lab every time he needs to type up a paper or send an email (some of his professors only accept emailed work for some reason).

Wow… long post. If you made it to the end, congratulations. Thanks for reading, and lock your doors. I’m going to bed (my own bed for the first time in seven days… hallelujah) to try to sleep… I’m a little jumpy still, so we’ll see how it goes. I mistyped a word and hit two keys at the same time, which made the computer beep at me, and I nearly peed my pants. I’m not really all that freaked out except when I think about it too much or retell it, which I just did here, so I think I’ll be alright if I just read a book until I’m sleepy. It helps that I have my dad, mom, youngest brother and little sister here, so it’s not like I’m alone. If I get scared, I’ll go crawl in bed with my sister… she’d like that anyway. :)

My Interview With Marriage-101
So, Neil from Citizen of the Month has instigated the Great Blogger Interview Experiment. Go read his post so you know what this is all about (I’ll wait).Back? Okay, so I interviewed Schmutzie, and Liz from Marriage-101 interviewed me. So here it is.
This was a great experience, and I would say, do it. It’s fun, plus who doesn’t love new blog fodder? Without any further ado, the interview:I know you’re a big movie buff. What is your all-time favorite movie and why? Or, if you blogged about this and I missed it, please tell me your all-time favorite actor/actress/director and why.

Ooh, that’s a hard one. I have a hard time picking a favorite… I love so many. Some of my favorites are typical girl movies, like Pride & Prejudice, You’ve Got Mail, Emma, etc. But one of my very favorites is The Kid. It’s such a powerful story about learning to let go of the hurts you’ve received, and learning to stop believing things that aren’t true. It was really eye-opening for me to see the character that Bruce Willis plays yelling at his younger self (played by Spencer Breslin) and telling him that he’s fat and stupid and pathetic. It strikes me as mean, but that’s exactly what I do to myself. I tell myself that I’m dumb and ugly and that nobody likes me, but that’s not true. Bruce Willis learns a lot about learning to love himself, and is able to let go of some of the wounds he received as a child, which in turn enabled him to love other people and stop being a jerk. So it ends on a hopeful note, and I love that.

What is your dream job?

My dream job… I’m still trying to figure that out. When I was younger and people asked me what I wanted to be when I grew up, my answer was always that I wanted to be a mom. And I know that when I am a mom, it will be my full-time job, because I believe that kids need to have their mom around. In the meantime, however, I do need to have a job. Right now I work for my parents doing bookkeeping for their company Oregon Cookies. I like the flexibility that it provides, since I get to work from home (yay for pajama work), but bookkeeping isn’t something that I really love… or even really like all that much. But I don’t really have any ideas about what else I’d like to do with my life. I like to make stuff, like earrings and other random things (see my website or my etsy store), but I’ve never sold anything, so it’s not really a viable means of generating income. So I guess I kind of have two dream jobs: 1) Motherhood, and 2) Makin’ stuff.

I see that you’re still single (which should be a crime!): what is your ideal boyfriend?

I have a lot of qualities I’m looking for. The first would be that he loves the Lord. I’m a Christian, so if he’s not, then we wouldn’t have the most important thing in common. The second would be that he has to be someone I could see myself marrying, because I’m not interested in scattering pieces of my heart all over Oregon. I’ve been on two dates in my life(both with guys I’ve been friends with for a long time and was not/am not now romantically interested in), and both times I was worried that things would become weird or awkward, or that we wouldn’t be able to be friends anymore. So I have decided that I really don’t want to put myself in that place unless it’s someone I could marry. And for someone I could marry, I have a really long list of things I’m holding out for, which I won’t post here. The long list is because I know myself, and when I have a crush on a guy, I don’t think clearly. I prayed about it, and thought on it quite awhile before I wrote it down, and I believe that someone out there fulfills the whole thing, and he’s going to be worth the long wait.

Why did you start blogging?

I started blogging on MySpace in 2005. I was living in a two-bedroom house with 3 other girls and I was the least busy, so I had a lot of free time. I’ve always been a homebody, and with no one else around, I had to find something to do. And you can only watch so many movies in a day, right? I guess I started blogging because I’ve always been able to think more clearly and communicate more eloquently when I’m writing or typing, as opposed to trying to make my squirrelly tongue say what I want it to. I’m pretty introverted, so when I talk to people, I’m easily flustered. I always end up feeling like I didn’t quite say what I meant to, or I wasn’t able to make the other person understand, and then I feel even more awkward than I already do at any given moment. (I hate feeling awkward… I hate watching other people feel awkward too. It’s like a physical pain, even just to watch.) So when I’m typing, I’m able to say what I actually mean to say, and I feel like I communicated something, rather than just being a fountain of weird noises that don’t make sense. Sometimes I read what I wrote, then go back and edit it before I publish, but for the most part I don’t need to. The simple fact that no one’s waiting on me to finish my sentence gives me immense freedom. So I can say things that I would never be able to say to someone’s face. And that relieves some of the pressure of all these thoughts that float around in my head. I only started this blog in November of 2007… I was hungry for something new, and I wanted to start fresh, to write something that I didn’t need to censor as much, since no one I knew even knew it existed.

I see that you’re 26 and in one of your posts, you didn’t seem to happy about it. Why? Did you think your life would be different at 26 from what it is?

I really am not one of those people who is always worried about becoming old. I think it just hits me every once in awhile. 25 was a hard birthday too, in that sense. I guess it has something to do with the fact that I sort of feel like maybe I should have my act together by now, like I should have a job that pays me enough to have my own house, or I should be married and have a couple kids, or something. When my parents got married, they were 23 and 19. My mom was 21 when she had me, and by the time she was my age she had 3 kids and another on the way. When I was little, I always used to think that I would probably be the same way, especially since my only ambition, career-wise, was to be a mother. So I guess sometimes I feel like my life is slipping away, and I haven’t even started living it yet. I’ve been trying to figure out what I’m supposed to do… what if I don’t ever get married? I’ll have to do something with my life. Even if I do get married, I would like to be a whole person who’s not just waiting for a husband to come complete me. But I have no idea how to do that, so I feel a little despondent. I don’t even know where to start, which makes me feel like I’m hopeless. So yeah, I feel a little bit depressed about how my life is right now. I wish it was something else, but I’m not sure what that something else should look like.

Do your friends/family know about your blog (and read it?)

My youngest brother knows about it and reads it. He is a computer geek (Hi, brother!) and he helps me if I want to do something that’s beyond my (very limited) scope of HTML knowledge. My little sister knows about it, and sometimes reads it. She has it on her little Google Reader thing, but she never checks it. My mom and dad know that it exists, I think, but I’m pretty sure they don’t read it, and I’m pretty sure neither of my other two brothers even know about it. None of my friends know about it, that I know of. I would only suspect one (maybe two) of them to be capable of finding it, but nobody has said anything yet, so who knows. It’s kind of freeing this way, though, which is why I haven’t told anyone about it. It’s not a secret, but… I’m not going to be spreading the word. If that makes any sense.

If you could meet anyone – dead or alive – who would it be?

Probably Jesus, but not in the way that means I die. I falter in my faith all the time, and sometimes I’m afraid that he doesn’t love me… that maybe I try so hard to be saved, but I’m not. It would mean a lot to be able to look in his eyes and ask him if he really does love me… I think it would help me keep on truckin’ when all I feel like doing is giving up. I don’t know if other Christians feel that way. Maybe they don’t, or maybe they’re just better at hiding it. All I know is I’m sick of putting on my game face, all the while dying inside.

What has been the happiest day of your life so far?

Hmm… man, this one’s hard. I am naturally a little pessimistic, so I tend to find the clouds amongst the silver linings. Maybe the day my soon-to-be roommates asked me if I wanted to live with them. They were all three living in this tiny little two-bedroom house, and my friend invited me over one night. He told me that they were going to have dinner and worship, and would I like to come? I wasn’t sure what it was all about… I thought that it was a married couple’s house, and they were having a dinner party or something. I asked him if it was really alright if I came, and he said, of course. So he gave me the address and I made it there, and then their neighbor came out while I was parking and told me not to park where I was. I was already a little nervous when I was driving over there, and that lady sure didn’t help. I made it to the door alright, and when I went inside, there was this crowd of people who were all just hanging around and talking, and the girls who lived there were in the kitchen cooking spaghetti to feed all of these people. I had met the girls a couple other times… my brother lived with my friend who invited me, so sometimes I’d stop by to see my brother and they’d be just leaving or whatnot. But I didn’t know them really at all, except for their names. So we all ate dinner, sitting on couches and the floor, and then one of the girls and my friend who invited me there busted out guitars and we all sang worship songs. A bunch of people left when we were done singing, but a bunch of us sat around on the kitchen floor and talked until midnight or so. The girls invited me to come back the next week (they did this thing every Tuesday), and I drove home. When I got home, I told my mom all about it and told her that that was the sort of place I’d like to live in someday. The next week, one of the girls called me on Tuesday afternoon to make sure that I was coming. I said yeah, and she sounded really excited. When I hung up, I was sort of like… huh. It didn’t seem like such a formal place that they needed to count who was going to be there… oh well. So I headed over at 7 or so, and after I’d been there for about a half an hour, they told me that they needed to talk to me, and ushered me into the back bedroom. I was really nervous… I’ve always hated that phrase. I was sure they were going to tell me my pants had a hole in the butt or that my fly was undone or something. We all sat on the bed that was in there, and they all looked like they were about to burst. I said, What is it? And they were so excited that they took turns saying one word at a time: We. Were. Thinking. About. Adding. Another. Roommate. What. Do. You. Think? And I said, You want me to live with you? And they all nodded and giggled, and I giggled a little bit too. Then I told them that I would have to think about it, and make sure that I could afford it and stuff, and I told them I’d give them an answer next week. The next week I told them I’d move in, and I moved in the following Saturday. It was a really fast journey from barely knowing them to living with them, but the years I spent in that house were precious, and they’re all such very dear friends now. The original three all eventually moved out, one by one, and each time God would bring just the right person. All told, 9 girls, including me, lived in that house. And it all started with that one night of excited girls giggling out one word at a time. (Man, that’s a long paragraph.)

What was the saddest?

Probably the day my (now sister-in-law) roommate told me she was moving out of our house. She told me via voicemail when I was stranded in the Las Vegas airport, and the next day I found out that my brother asked her out. I was sure we weren’t going to be friends anymore, that my brother was going to steal her away, and I was right for a time. Our relationship grew to be really rocky and painful. I had been really close to my brother, and really close to her, but once they started dating they hung out with each other instead of me, and it hurt. I handled it badly, and so did they, but I think those wounds have healed. We’re really close friends again now, but man… those days were dark.

What do you think is the coolest thing about blogging?

I’ve mentioned it before, but I think for me the coolest thing about blogging is ease with which words pour out of me. It won’t happen if I ever meet you in person, but I’m able to spill my guts with such honesty and clarity when I type or write that it’s therapeutic. I think it helps me process to see it all in black and white in front of me, too. I’ve always kept some sort of journal or diary sporadically, but I type much faster than I write, which helps me get my thoughts out, because I think faster than I can write. I think faster than I can type too, but at least it’s faster to type than write. I think that even if someday I want to keep some sort of private journal that no one’s allowed to read, it will probably just be a text document that will grow until it crashes my computer or something, because it kills my hand to write as much as I would like to.

Thanks so much, Liz, for your questions. It’s nice to be asked stuff instead of just having to think of something to say.


My Sister-In-Law Has Appendicitis.
25 January 2008, 3:14 pm
Filed under: This Is My Family

Hey, all.  My sister-in-law was throwing up a lot, so she and my brother went to the hospital, thinking it might have something to do with the pregnancy, and the doctors told her that she has appendicitis.  So she’s getting it taken out, pretty much as I type.

My mom and I are going to drive up to Eugene to be with them and help with stuff.  She (my sis-in-law) hasn’t been feeling really well anyway, because of morning sickness, so it’ll be really hard to keep up on house stuff while recovering from an appendectomy.  I’ll probably be staying there for about a week, so if I’m not around for awhile, that’s why.

I would really appreciate your prayers.


funny pictures

Ain’t That The Truth.
23 January 2008, 3:37 pm
Filed under: Quickies, think big thinks.

Levelheadedness must make room for love, or we have no need of living sensibly. For without true love, practicality has nothing to protect.

–Cindy Woodsmall
When the Heart Cries