just call me seven


Lame.

funny pictures



I’m Like the Crypt-Keeper.


What am I supposed to be doing with my life?
I feel like I’m stalled.
Like I’m just waiting for something.
Like I’m not actually living life.

I just had a birthday.
I’m now twenty-six.
That’s 26.
I feel old, a little.
But I live with my parents.
So I feel like a kid too.

Why isn’t life what I thought it would be?
I don’t understand.

This looks like it’s trying to be a poem.
This isn’t a poem.
I just feel abrupt.



Christmas.

Wow… I ate way too much today, most of it an abomination to everything that is decent and healthy. But so good… funny how that works.

For the last couple of years, my family has drawn names and bought presents for just one person instead of everyone… This year I had The BFF and I got to buy all kinds of cool, girly, fun stuff for her. It was nice.

I’m always a little afraid that someone won’t have a good Christmas… I think know that I get that from my mother. I think we both just want so badly for no one to be hurt, for everything to be perfect. And you know what? Life just doesn’t really support that concept.

I’m not saying that our Christmas was bad… just that there were really good parts, and some not-as-great parts, and I cried a little, but I do that pretty much every year day anyway, so it wasn’t that big of a deal.

All in all, I’d say it was a good one.

Plus, we got a little bit of snow, which is a rarity in these parts.



My Life Is A Perfect Graveyard of Buried Hopes.
17 December 2007, 11:08 pm
Filed under: Even My Issues Have Issues, Miss Doom & Gloom

So. I have issues. The problem is, I find myself unable to really get a grasp on what these issues actually are. I feel like if I could separate and define each one, I might be able to wrap my head around what they are, but every time I start to get ahold of one of them, it floats away like dandelion fluff, and winds and tangles around the rest of them like spaghetti with no oil on it. I hate that they’re all interdependent on each other… I am insecure –> because I feel unlovable –> because I feel unattractive and unable to do the right thing… You see what I mean? It’s like every time I peel back a layer and say, “Ha! Now I know what the problem is! I’m insecure!” I find another layer that needs to be dealt with in order to solve the first problem. But to solve the second problem, lo and behold, there’s a third problem that needs to be fixed first. And so and so on, ad infinitum. So am I made up of only layers upon layers of problems and fears and insecurities? Or will there come a time when I can actually start working on one issue that’s not conditionally related to another one?

There’s this jumble inside me of gloom and apathy and irritation… and I don’t know what to do with any of it. I feel purposeless… but when I wrack my brain for something I could aim for, I find nothing. I feel passionless… I can’t remember the last time I was actually passionate about something. I feel powerless… like I’ll never be able to grow and reach something better that just living in the metaphorical dirt.