just call me seven


In Which I Lament My Purse-Snobbery.

I made a purse today. It’s olive green with a blue polka-dot lining. I like making purses, because I seem to be a little picky about what I expect a purse to be. It can’t be too small, but it can’t be too large either. If it’s a double strap sort of a thing, the straps have to be long enough to sling on my shoulder easily, but not so long that I feel like my purse is dragging on the ground. If it’s a long, sling-across-yourself type strap, it has to be pretty long, because I hate the classical-guitar-up-around-my chin feeling… I like my purse to hang at my hip, not above it. The problem with this is that every long-strapped purse is made for a size 4 tweener with no boobs. Let’s just say that this is in no way an accurate description of my body type, so I end up with a bandolier instead of a purse, and then I feel fat.
So the only viable option I can see is to make my own, unless I find a purse that has rings to which I can attach my one long-enough strap (which means that it has to be green, because that’s the color of my detachable strap). These are rare for some reason, plus a girl can’t always wear a green purse.
Another pet peeve I have is when purses don’t have enough pockets… the black hole that ensues from yet another bag with no pockets whatsoever is not conducive to finding my keys, answering my phone before the unlucky caller is sent to voicemail, or obtaining some lip balm to soothe my thirsty lips. But if there are too many pockets, I’m left searching each one frantically… was it in pocket #8? Or did I stash it in pocket #32? Gah!
I like unique purses… and I’m a sucker for pretty linings. I love the contrast of a staid exterior with a funky, colorful interior… maybe because that’s sort of how I dress. I wear jeans, a tshirt, and a hoodie every single day, minus the hoodie if it’s hot and my A/C isn’t up to the task, but if you could see my underwear (which you won’t– I don’t roll like that), you would discover that I’m not as boring as I look.

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